D.C. MOVIE GUYS

There are twenty very entertaining minutes in “Pirates of The Caribbean: At World’s End.”  The problem is you have to wade through two hours and twenty-eight water logged and convoluted minutes to get to them.  Once again the Disney studios have allowed director Gore Verbinski, the man who falls in love with every frame of film he soots, to drag audiences down arabbit hole of red herrings and dead ends that strain the mind, the bladder and the spine.  In other words, skip the jumbo soda and bring a comfy pillow-you’re going to be there awhile.

The Disney folks, apparently concerned that folks will catch on to the game and save their money, have asked critics not to give away any of the film’s numerous plot twists and storyline resolutions.  Frankly, I’d need a road map to follow all the twists and turns.  So as not to offend the die hards among you, I will keep my comments broad and general.  All the major players, including Johnny Depp’s delightfully rouge-ish Capt. Jack Sparrow. are back.

Sparrow’s future is srill in doubt, as is the relationship between Will (Orlando Bloom) and Ellizabeth (Keira Knightly) and the continued exsistance of the remaining crews of pirates, what with Davey Jones (Bill Nighy) and his ship, the Flying Dutchman, have struck a dirty deal with a greedy, power hubgry British bureacrat who wants all the pirate crews dead.   Toss in attempted reconciliations between fathers and sons, lovers and supernatural goings on, and you have a large, sprawling story-and we all know how ugly sprawl can be.

If this chapter of the “Pirates” saga had been infused with the kind of stand the cliches on their head energy and sass that the first film, “Curse of the Black Pearl,”  displayed, “End” would be a lot more fun.  The problem here is that the film so often starts, stops and backtracks to a new direction that your attention begins to wander.

Verbinski dilutes the good acting work of his cast by soending far too much time on these diversions, as well as on special effects that often seem to be there to justify the massive budget rather than delivering thrills.  Knightly does have some strong monents that show off her spirit and acting skill and Geoffery Ruch offers a nice counter point to Depp as fellow pirate captain Bobarossa.  If the film’s multiple screenwriters has shown the kind of cleverness with the entire script that they utilize in slipping in Keith Richards’ much discussed (and witty) cameo, this would be a much better movie.

“At World’s End” will likely set a new box office record of some sort, as the third “Shrek” and “Spider Man” films did in the previous two weeks.  On this, the week that the original “Star Wars” celebrates thr thirtieth anniversary of its arrival in theaters, I pose this question:  Why has a big opening weekend become a triumph of marketing and anticipation and stopped being a reward for excellent film making ?  Seems to me the real “Pirates” are the folks taking your cash for this bloated fun ride.  See the “bargain” matinée and save some booty for your own treasure chest.

MPAA RATING:PG-13 for violent content and images that could frighten small children.
JOE’S RATING: TWO STARS.

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