ANACONDA: THE HUNT FOR THE BLOOD ORCHID

by Joe Barber on Aug.26, 2004, under Joe Barber's Movie Reviews

MOVIE REVIEW: “ANACONDA: THE HUNT FOR THE BLOOD ORCHID”

Ah, yes, late August. That time of year when movie critic’s thoughts turn
lightly to. . .homicide. That is, we’d like to kill the presenters of junk
that tend o clog the multiplexes around the end of summer. This is the time
of the summer movie season when the movies that the studios didn’t figure
they’d be able to find an audience for, even if they gave free popcorn, soft drinks and the phone number of the cutest usher/usherette in the house to every ticket buyer under the age of thirty. “Anaconda: The Hunt for The
Blood Orchid” pretty much fits this profile, but, for sheer “so bad it’s funny” laughs, it’s a real guilty pleasure.

A “sequel” of sorts to the 1997 “B” thriller that helped to kick-start
Jennifer Lopez’s acting career, as well as honing Ice Cube’s acting chops
and reinvigorating Jon Voight’s flagging career, “Hunt” follows a pretty
familiar path. A group of scientists and businessmen travel to the jungles
of Borneo (Fuji serving as a stand in) in search of the “Blood Orchid” , a
flower that only blooms once every seven years and only for a few weeks.
The plant’s medicinal properties make its harvested version a veritable
fountain of youth that can repair the body’s cells and extend life. Gordon
(Morris Chestnut) the businessman and Jack (Matthew Marsden), long-time
partners, have risked everything to find the plant and must get to a
blossoming one before it disappears in two weeks.

Their party, comprised of several of Jack’s former students, including the
young woman who did the early work on the flower’s properties, a
communications expert and a scientist from the home office who doesn’t
believe in the miracle orchid, can find only one boat to take them up river.

It is skippered by a former Special Forces officer hose-say it with me
now-see too much and done one bad thing too many-and has retreated to
backwaters of the world. Turns out the plant does exists-and its properties

have been utilized by the local big bad title snakes, who’ve grown to a
humongous size by eating the flowers-among other things. Greed overcomes
common sense-as always-and the party ends up battling the elements, the
snakes and each other to see who will survive.

There are computer programs you can buy over the counter that will actually
complete a screenplay for you or guide you to through completing one with
plenty of help. Though this film is credited to no less than four writers,
it feels as if every step has been laid out long before, like a cinematic
version of an Arthur Murray dance lesson. As for the cast of actors, this
movie may be part of what appears to be a new trend in Hollywood. When you
can’t hire the actors you want, hire folks who look and sound like them.

Director Bernardo Bertolucci seemed to do this in “The Dreamers” when he
hired a lead who resembled Leonardo DiCaprio. “Anaconda” does it with a
hero (Johnny Messner as boat skipper Bill) who looks and growls like the
Rock and scientist Sam (KaDee Strickland) sounds and looks like a blonde
Ashley Judd. Obviously, Ms. Judd and Mr.. Johnson were too smart to get
snared in this snake trap-though after “Walking Tall” and “Twisted” they may

be sorry they didn’t take the bait.

Yes, the movie overall is nothing special and can easily be forgotten a hour

after you’ve seen it but, as I said, there are plenty of laughs available as

you watch these fplks risk life and limb in a contest of “Beat the Snake”.
Have fun with your friends placing wagers on who will be snake food before
the popcorn runs out. Enjoy the attempts at comic relief from Eugene Byrd
as the street smart communications guy, Cole. (Note to Eugene-you gave it
your best, but Steppin’ Fetchit and Chris Tucker are waiting to get their
acts back; please get the suit cleaned first.)

Utterly predictable but good for several chuckles (particularly if you’re
seeing it with folks who are scared witless of snakes), “Anaconda:The Hunt
for the Blood Orchid ” has one thing going for it: it’s not “The
Exorcist:The Beginning”. . .or “Princes Diaries 2: The Royal Engagement”. .
..or “The Village”. . .or, you get the idea.

MPAA RATING:PG-13 for intense action and snake attack scenes and profanity.
JOE’S RATING: ONE AND THREE FOURTH STARS.