D.C. MOVIE GUYS

A Lot Like Love
Directed by Nigel Cole
Running in circles at theatres nationwide beginning 4/22/2005
1.5 *
About two-thirds of the way into the new Ashton Kutcher-Amanda Peet romantic vehicle A Lot Like Love, Kutcher’s Oliver tries to cheer up his on-again, off-again girlfriend, Emily (Peet) on the anniversary of her mother’s death. He tells the following story:

A little boy is digging a hole in his backyard when the nasty old lady from next door glances over the fence and asks him what he’s doing.
“Digging a hole,” the boy replies.
“What for?” the neighbor asks.
“To bury my pet goldfish,” the boy answers not looking up from his work
“That’s a pretty big hole for a goldfish. Why are you digging such a big hole for a goldfish?” the woman quizzes.
“Because it is inside your stupid cat.”

Congratulations, you have just saved two hours and nine dollars because except for a quick joke about the hearing wife of a deaf guy blowing a car horn to get his attention (a joke they then have the temerity to explain to us under the assumption that audience members are as stupid as film producers and screenwriters), that joke is the only thing worthwhile in A Lot Like Love.
In fact, if they had put that joke in the beginning, you might be reading a more positive review. It is not that it is impossible to make a charming love story comedy about a pair that would be perfect together except their timing is never quite right. If Nora Ephron can do it in writing When Harry Met Sally, how hard can it be? Peet and Kutcher are easy on the eyes (although they go a bit overboard having Peet in bizarre makeup at their first meeting) and are certainly good enough actors for light comedy.
The couple “meet cute” as the saying goes. A pair dropped off at the airport, he is taken with her despite grungy boyfriend and grungier personal style. Coincidentally, they are both flying to NYC. He eyeballs she and the she decides on a mutual initiation in the mile-high club. They meet again in New York and while he is busy expounding on his life plan, it begins to occur to even the most generous viewer that this movie is going to turn into an incessant series of getting together and pulled apart filled with numerous coincidences, mistaken jumps to conclusion, and the various other assorted tricks from the idiot’s guide to screenwriting found under the chapter heading “idiot plot.” I am just exaggerating that there is a book called “The Idiot’s Guide to Screenwriting;” why bother. But back to the movie at hand: If these two crazy kids could just see that their perfect for each other and get together, wouldn’t that be just lovely. Or is might be if you were given any reason to care. Actor-turned-first-time screenwriter Colin Patrick Lynch would seem to have a lot to atone for, but someone should have explained to him that the point of any incipient career shift should have been to come up with better scripts than the ones you had been reading.
It is quickly getting to the point where I have had it with Amanda Peet. A blind man can see that she is a beautiful young lady. She is obviously a solid actress with good range. And she has been the best thing in far too many inferior movies (I still resent Whipped). The Whole Nine Yards was not bad (and certainly better for her presence as the dental hygienist who wants to be an assassin), but then they went another Yard—one of movie history’s all-time stinkers. If the writing in Something’s Got to Give (an insanely overrated movie) had been as good as Peet’s acting, you would have as good a movie as most people think it is. But at what point does Amanda Peet start taking responsibility for all these crappy movies that she lends her obvious talents to?
So lacking in subtlety, flow, freshness, and humor, one is left to appreciate that the camera is in focus, the actors speak in actual words and sentences, and the boom mike stays out of the shots. And, oh yes, there is one very funny joke—you’re welcome.
–Bill Henry

Related Reading:

Film Directing: Shot by Shot: Visualizing from Concept to Screen (Michael Wiese Productions)

A Century of Movie Posters: From Silent to Art House

"Have You Seen . . . ?": A Personal Introduction to 1,000 Films

The Queer Movie Poster Book

100 Modern Soundtracks (BFI Screen Guides)