D.C. MOVIE GUYS

Movie Reviews for Washington D.C. and Denver, CO
by Bill Henry, Joe Barber and Friends

Hide and Seek

January 28th, 2005

Hide and Seek
Directed by John Polson
Seeking out dumbheads nationwide beginning 1/28/2005
1 *
One wonders if the producers filled out a modern horror movie checklist before beginning Hide and Seek. We have got a lame, predictable script that will echo better movies and provide an hour-plus tease followed by a twist ending. Check. Brain dead director with enough of a resume to show that he knows which end of the camera to point at the actors, but not smart enough to know the script is junk nor accomplished enough to cost us real money. Secured the services of John Polson (Swimfan); check. Got a creepy-looking little kid. We can just stick a wig and make-up on Dakota Fanning; check. Got a star on board who does not seem to care how he debases his talent; cue Robert De Niro.
It is not that I think this is beneath Robert De Niro, one of the greatest actors of all time content to allow his recent filmography to be cluttered by the likes of Godsend, Analyze That, and Showtime. Hide and Seek is not beneath De Niro; it is beneath Dakota Fanning… and she acted in I Am Sam. (more…)

Are We There Yet

January 22nd, 2005

Bill’s Review
As regards the title to the new Ice Cube vehicle, Are We There Yet?, (get it, it is a road movie and I called it a “vehicle” which refers to both a mode of transportation and is a colloquial reference to the work as a whole), where to begin?
Smart ass: (see previous paragraph).
Historical/inspirational: Are we finally at a place where it is not automatically assumed that every marginally-talented rap artist can carry a picture? Are we there yet? Not yet. Are we finally at a place where people with three digit IQs can enter a multiplex without dread? Are we there yet? Not yet. Have we finally arrived at a place where anyone can make a lousy movie that is an affront to the divine spark regardless of the color of their skin and is more commensurate with the lack of content of their character? Are we there yet? OK we are there—lucky us.
Family flashback anyone? Are we there yet? No and if you ask again, I am going to turn this movie around and take you right back to development.
Literary? Since there is no there, there then we will probably never get there.
I will do just about anything to put off thinking about the movie in which two repulsive kids bedevil mom’s new boyfriend on an auto trip over the holidays. You see, you can almost hear the echoes from the pitch meeting… it is Home Alone with Road Trip and a little of that special urban flair. The first of the conflicting parties is represented by Ice Cube as a failed minor league ballplayer (right) turned Portland-based sports memorabilia salesman who falls for a beautiful career woman (Nia Long) which turns his thoughts from bachelor player to settling down. Meanwhile, her kids are subverting her dates in the hopes that mommy and daddy will reunite. When irresponsible dad fails the kids, helpful Mr. Cube offers to bring the kids to mom in Vancouver and show himself as responsible prime boyfriend material. Attempts to get the kids aboard planes and trains fail comically (it is only comical if your definition does not include “eliciting laughter”) and so he loads the monsters aboard his tricked-out Navigator; destruction of said car will occupy much of remaining picture.
Maybe you think I am laying it on a bit thick for a movie that so obviously was going to be nothing more than a formulaic pander-fest for the pre-pubescent set. The trouble is that every so often the people involved with this movie will give an indication that they have talent that rises above a mere ability to get their projects into production. Ice Cube (and I have no problem with his nom de rap, it is no different than Rock Hudson or John Wayne) followed up an actual performance in Three Kings with Friday movie sequels too depressing to contemplate. Nia Long was a breath of fresh air in the otherwise predictable staleness of last year’s Alfie remake. Two of the screenwriters worked on the Shrek sequel. Heck, even Brian Levant manages to stick in a clever in-joke by giving brat Kevin a Turbo-Man doll (sorry, action figure), the object of Gov. Arnold’s desire in Levant’s own Jingle All the Way.
Perhaps it is just cruel to expect more from this bunch. Every plot twist is telegraphed so clumsily that it is hard to even get indignant over all the kids behaving badly sequences or the dangerous situations they reenact. Unfortunately, that the kids do a slew of dangerous stunts only serves to get one’s hopes up that maybe one of the kids will fall under a train
Still, it looked pretty and, most importantly, they all learned a little something and hugged at the end. I have almost forgotten I saw Million Dollar Baby earlier this month.

Agent Cody Banks 2: Destination London

January 19th, 2005

Joe’s Review
Let’s make this short and sweet. The movie’s awful, worse than the lame original and Anthony Anderson, as Cody’s new partner, brings little to the table of value. Keep your money in your pocket, this will be on video before you know it.

Agent Cody Banks 2: Destination London

January 19th, 2005

Bill’s Review
Agent Cody Banks 2: Destination London is a very bad movie. Neither simply worse than last year’s initial chapter nor bad in the typical kids movie cruddy kind of way. Rather it is bad in the joyless, humorless, soul-numbing, mind sapping, MGM-should-be-arrested-for-charging-money-to-see-it kind of bad. (more…)

COACH CARTER

January 15th, 2005

MOVIE REVIEW: “COACH CARTER”

You don’t have to be a sports fan to know that the behavior of professional
athletes and society’s relationship with them is undergoing some kind of
major change. More and more, we find ourselves being critical of our sports

stars, attacking their arogance for refusing to sign attographs and
demanding a king’s ransom for playing a child’s game. We stand less and
less in awe of their prowess and stare in disbelief at their off-and
sometimes on-the court/field antics. This syndrome
seems to have worked its way down to the fields and courts of our colleges
and high schools. The
term “studemt/athlete” has become a joke, with far too many players,
coaches, parents and educators worried about what pro team a budding
superstar will play for, rather thasn if he can spell the name of the team
or locate the city on a map.

Director Thomas Carter has taken a real-life story of one high school
basketball coach who decided the system was failing his kids and took
extra-ordinary steps to give his charges a true enducation inside and
outside of the game. “Coach Carter, starring Samuel L. Jackson, delivers an

important message without sermonizing or sloppy sentimentality. This
entertaining film aviods cliches while subtly and passionately making its
point.

Jackson is Kenny Ray Carter, a former star basketball player at Richmond
High in California. After playing on sucessful teams in the eaRLY 1970′S,
he attended college and returned to the city to become a sucessful small
business owner. Contacted byhis former coach, Carter is asked to take on
the part-time job of basketball coach. The team he is asked to take on is
talented, but undisciplined. The players spend more time looking for their
own “highlight reel” shots and fighting internally to pay attention to
winning.

Carter establishes new rules, including a demanding practice rountine that
highlights conditioning and basketball fundamentals. He also requires the
players to sign an athletic “contract” . The contract requires them to
maintain perfect class ateendance, wear coates and ties on game days,
maintain a 2.3 grade average (the school required a 2.0) and refer to each
other as “sir” during practice sessions. He also asked teachers to submit
progress reports on the players and asked parents to become more involved in

their son’s progress.

Struggling against attitude from the players, apathy from teacher and
administrators and some outright hostility from parents, Carter begins to
see progress on the court, as a group of players becomes a real team.
Undefeated at the midway point of the season, a trip to a holiday tournament

in a fancy suburban neighborhood leads to victory-and a betrayal of trust.
The betraya is compounded when the progress reports show some members of the

team are failing inb class. Despite their undefeated record, Carter takes
matters into his own hands to get the entire team to work together to help
the failing players. His actions bring him plenty of publicity-and conflict
with parents who want their kids seen by scouts and teachers and
administrators who resent his fight for better academics from the players.

Screenwriters Mark Schwahn and John Gatins keep their story moving without
engaging in unnecessary emotional fireworks or sterotypical dramatics. They

build their story with care, allowing the facts to move things forward and
letting the audience make their own judgements. The movie contrasts the
simple truths Carterstands for with the often dangerous world and
hypocritical system they must deal with daily. They really do “keep it
real” and the movie is all the better for it.

Jackson delivers another commanding performance that ignites the screen
while managing to avoid the yelling that often pops up in his films. The
cast of young actors do a fine job of making their scenes on and off the
coiurt credible and engaging. Rick Gonzales, Antwon Tanner, Robert Ri’chard

and “Finding Forrester” ’s Rob Brown are particularly memorable. Carter’s
direction, like the work of his actors, is understated and very effective.

While it may remind some of an inner-city “Hoosiers”, “Coach Carter”
delivers more than entertainment, though it does that most effectively. It
reminds us that, if we are willing to set our standards high, our students
will strive to meet them. In other words, it’s not that we expect too much
from our students and our athletes-we expect too little. Expect to see a
terrific movie when you see “Coach Carter”. You won’t be disappointed.

MPAA RATING: PG-13 for profanity, milld sexuality and drug content.
JOE’S RATING: THREE AND A HALF STARS.

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